WHAT IS IT.
Wax play in a BDSM context, refers to the poring of candle wax over a subjects body in order to gain arousal and excitement from them.
While it seems like a very simple concept, there are however many factors that attract people to this kind of play.
(1) IT’S SIMPLICITY.
There is a wonderfully basic dance in wax play. And while the stakes are high due to their being fire and high temperature involved. The dance is easy enough to learn.
Who isn’t attracted to the primal allure of the open flame.
That small drop of fearful respect it gifts us with is enough to subdue most.
The lights are dim, the candles flickering and casting shadows across the contours of the subjects back, their shoulders relaxed yet anxious as they prepare themselves for the very first drop to strike them.
The scent of melting wax and wick smoke teasing the air.
To be stung for only a fraction of a second, only to have it disperse and spread across the skin in a warm flush. It’s almost as it your sudden breath in and relieved breath out, mirror the sensation. Creating a wonderfully dreamy concoction of chemicals in the mind and body.
This is one of those delightfully slippery slope kinks.
It’s so simple to start on, and should all safety measures be taken in to consideration. A subject can find themselves quickly pushing on to new boundaries and heights.
“One day they have a few drops on their back, the next the entire back, the next they have candles inserted in every other hole”
[Thorn Sanguine’s Common Law of Kink: When something is known and regularly done by you, it’s no longer a kink to you, it’s your vanilla base line, so you must push further, delve deeper, or search new kinks, to experience the rush]
As many will well know by this point, when referring to BDSM Head-Spaces.
We are discussing the alternate ideals and perspectives we take on.
(A bit like the personality you become at work vs at home)
Here are a few hint’s and tips to help with wax play Head-space.
While 5% fear makes any scene delicious as far as the bodies chemical cocktail goes, it’s important to note that the unless the subject is particularly attracted to high peaky fear energy in their scenes, they are likely to spiral too deep to fast.
So when starting with someone new or someone outside of the fear junkie mentality, be calm and focused at the start.
This goes for both parties if all are new to it.
It will help you all focus on the safety factors a little more until you get the hang of it. And ‘focus’ really is key in this kink.
(2) SEDUCTIVE TOUCH
It’s important to pre-warm the skin and get the blood flowing.
And this doesn’t need to be clinical by any stretch of the imagination.
Take some time to appreciate the skin, like an artist moulding and shaping clay around a marble frame.
No NOT add any oils or foreign lubricants to the skin at this point.
As they may hold the temperature we would otherwise want to disperse
(3) SET THE MOOD OF THE ROOM
When you go to a restaurant and see a delicious meal pass by,
you smell it, you witness the colours and presentation.
It’s far more appealing and you eagerly sell the idea to yourself far more than seeing the name of the dish on a page.
Similarly when an area is set with incense, mood lighting and seems tidy and respected. It’s very easy to sell yourself on the desired head-space.
We have probably all heard the term “star-fish” or “dead-root”
this refers to a person who sits back and does nothing during sex.
It isn’t a shock to discover the same traits can drift in to BDSM.
(someone who expects others to do all the work)
the funny part is, they often end up taxing themselves most of their potential enjoyment.
Sadists, Dominants, and Tops alike.
Enjoy seeing reactions as much as every day folk enjoy seeing that they have brought pleasure to someone. So in kind when they receive more of this real reaction from their input their desire to do more increases dramatically.
Additionally, when a subject who may be sub/bottom/masochist. Allows their body to move and react in a pleasurable way. It assists the mind in associating the pain with pleasure. In wax play however we often don’t want someone rolling off a table. However, this doesn’t mean arching of the hips, shoulders, moving legs, arms, fingers, toes, neck and head. Are off the cards.
Give it a go, move! And watch your pleasure increase!
Much like the dead fish described in the “movement” tip.
There are those who go non-verbal.
Now going non-verbal isn’t an issue, UNLESS you aren’t attaining headspace.
If you find you aren’t getting to the place you need, then unlock the lungs!
The mind will respond quickly, and in addition the one driving the candles will also get a much better idea of what turns you on and what throws you off.
If you choose to moan like your about to cum, chances are your body will begin to react like it as well with all those chemicals rushing around you.
Give it a go, make some noise!.
Beginners follow the guidelines of SSC (safe/sane/consensual)
Intermediate too advanced can use RACK (Risk aware consensual kink)
Advanced can use CON-NONCON (Consensual non-consent)
PLEASE BE ADVISED CONSENT IS EVERYTIME NOT SOMETIMES.
UNTIL YOU HAVE ACTIVELY DISCUSSED ONGOING TERMS OF CONSENT.
You need to be upfront,
Do you have any medical conditions, mental health conditions, allergies to anything including but not limited to foods, sprays or otherwise. Any injuries currently or historically. And how do you require any of the aforementioned to be dealt with in the case of an emergency, breakout, trigger moment, or crash.
Choosing the correct candles is VERY important.
The following can be used.
PARAFFIN CANDLES: melting point = 135F / 57C
BEESWAX CANDLES: melting point = 145F / 62C
SOYWAX CANDLES: melting point = 130F / 54C
The aim is to reach a lower melting point so not to singe the skin on contact.
For this reason soy-wax is often preferred.
With Paraffin in close second, and beeswax as a runner up in third place.
The big deal breaker for many is the carcinogenic aspects of paraffin.
Due to this aspect it will be more likely to create a break out on the skin
(a chemical related rash).
ADDITIONALLY, it’s important NOT to use ANY candles that have scents or metallic colourings or shavings. As these will increase not only the temperature, but also the chemical breakout reaction on the skin.
These are not even considered high risk, they are simply NOT USED!
If you wish to use colours to create pretty designs on someone.
You can find candles that have colour in them, or even make your own.
Simply be aware that your typical market candle dye is made of paraffin so it IS carcinogenic if that is an issue for you or your play partners.
Typically there is only a few grams of this dye per 500 grams of wax. But still it’s something to be aware of so they can make a choice.
Natural dyes can be made if that is a factor and while they won’t be as vibrant and will take a lot more work to produce.
It’s certainly a skill to hone, and who doesn’t love adding more skills to their list.
You are about to play with fire and melting wax.
take the time to consider the worst case scenarios and prepare.
Will this catch on fire? If so, then move it.
Will this look better with melted wax embedded in it? If not, then move it.
If you have never encountered the eternal semen stain looking mark that is left by wax on fabric. Don’t find out the hard way.
Learn from my pain before you get it on your fetish wear.
Prep your space for fire wax and flailing limbs.
Keep a cup of ice close to the bed.
It makes a very big difference, and helps to cool down the skin.
Have plenty of water and electrolytes next to the bed afterwards as this play can dehydrate you quite a bit.
Be cautious as wax can pool in grooves of the body.
You can cool these down by blowing on the area and dispersing the wax across the surface area, or by pressing ice in to the pool.
(the hot and cold sensation actually adds to the scene, so ‘bonus’)
Breakouts from chemical candles like paraffin need to be treated if they get worse. (see your doctor)
If the subject has burns, then light burn cream needs to be on hand to assist with that.
[Thorn Sanguine’s rule of medical scenarios: if you both helped create the damage, then you both flip the bill to fix it. Stick within your tested limits, or prepare to help heal wounds if they are not consenting to hold them]
CARE PROCEDURES AND NEGOTIATIONS.
It’s important that we clarify EXACTLY how these points go down.
As these are VITAL to a good experience in BDSM. Yet get looked over a lot by newbies, not because they don’t want to, but because they are not aware of these points.
(1) CARE PROCEDURES.
PRE-CARE: Take the time to discuss all medical, mental, personal, and other issues that may need to be discussed. Exchange health papers that contain records of sti’s std’s. (DO NOT JUST TAK SOMEONES WORD FOR IT)
MID-CARE: This is a simple check in to see how they are going.
You don’t need to break scene to do this. Even a simple.
“oh you must like this or you would have called safe by now” will do.
Even the bottom can do this, by offering to fetch a drink for the top, and “serve” them. If it looks like the top is dying of dehydration.
AFTERCARE: You are treating someone for the potential shock their system may be in, be it Mental Fatigue, Emotional Fatigue, Physical Fatigue.
Or just to refuel for rounds two. The golden formula is usually thus.
-Blood sugar refuel.
We will go more in to why in a ‘basics’ article.
But that is a pretty good coverall to help get someone back from the edge.
(remember this is for tops as well, they are real people as well.)
(2) SAFEWORD & SIGNS
Safeword should be something easy to remember, for example mine is safeword. As you remember it while trying to remember it!.
I use non-verbal signs as well as subspace comes with a non-verbal aspect.
Green = go faster/ harder / more, — Sign = Two fingers pointed up.
Yellow = Slow down / Less, — Sign = Splayed fingers, hand open.
Red = Stop / No More / Safe — Sign = Open & closing of hand, Spirit fingers.
When someone uses safe signals, they should be thanked,
they have just saved you a potentially long evening of tending to someone.
And if you both communicate well enough you can certainly rise higher and higher in your capabilities.
NEVER GUILT SOMEONE FOR CALLING SAFE!, that’s how you break someone. And if this happens to you without you consenting to this kind of breaking first off. Then I advise discussing the relationship dynamic. So that it can be back on a healthy basis. (note I stated consented to / not, not at all)
(3) EMOTIONAL SAFETY
It is important to feel emotionally safe when trying to delve deep in to kink.
And wax play is no different. Be sure you or someone else don’t deliberately or inadvertently guilt or coerce someone in to play,
It’s really not that hard.
Person 1 “hey do you want to do some wax play?”
Person 2 “Nah, not rite now”
Now, if person 1 starts to sulk this is considered coercion.
And it’s a manipulation of consent. This will actually ruin the scene you might have had anyway. And before you go glaring at the tops, there are just as many bottoms who pull this as well.
So both sides of the team need to take care for one another. If you are really in the mood for play maybe follow up with.
“oh ok no worries, is there anything else you might be in the mood for?”
quite often kinks can be specific, and while someone might not be in the mood to focus on the precautions of fire. They might totally be down for some spanking.
Check with the person where they may or may not be ok with marks.
Remember to inform them that wax play MIGHT scar,
as some people are just like that, and ask if they would like to try a test patch one day and see how it goes over the week.
If it all goes well you can come back to it again. And this way you just both avoided a potential disaster if they happen to scar easily.
Negotiating personal boundaries isn’t that hard.
But be clear.
Saying something like “you can do anything you like just nothing in my butt”
means sadists are heading rite to the hair clippers. And we are all going to have a good old chuckle when you squeal.
SO, be at least generally good at covering off what you DO want to have happen. Discuss intimacy levels, sexual contact, marking locations, and scene restrictions. (keeping it to one topic of kink or diversifying kinks).
When you get a feel for one another, you can broaden the arena.
Other fetishists who commonly use this.
Tying someone up, and dripping wax over them while bound.
Using the wax and flame as a part of the fear play.
Carefully using on genitals. (note the word careful)
(4) DOMINATION AND SUBMISSION
Putting someone in a posed position, and testing their resolve to obey with drips of hot wax.
Putting someone in a strained position, if they move they get waxed dripped on them.
How to get started.
So assuming you have taken the above in to account, and have set everything up. Negotiated limits well, and have chosen your wax wisely.
(1) Drip test from at least an arm’s length above the subjects skin.
If they enjoyed it, you can test as close as half an arm length.
(no closer, as the wax is still at melting point heat and needs time to cool a bit as it travels to the skin)
(2) Ensure wax is not pooling in divots and curves of the body.
If they do, cool them off, before applying more on top, as it can retain heat under the surface and burn the skin while the top appears cold.
(3) Check with them verbally how the wax feels,
no need to do this in an urgent tone, a simple. “does that feel nice?” can suffice.
it will allow them to tell you if there are any hot spots.
(4) Targeting is important.
get used to gauging how the flow of the candle wax not only falls, but runs once it hits the skin. this is vital to understand, as wax can escape over the side of the body and pool under the subject. and slowly burn away at the skin. so learn to manage and control the flow through targeting.
(5) Cleaning the skin.
You can make this in to a one of the best parts of the entire scene if your smart about it.
I advise picking up a plastic paint scraper from your local hardware store. (AKA BDSM toy shop). and use to glide under the wax, while also providing some light dermal sensations.
be smart about it, and recognise that the skin has already been traumatised so additional trauma isn’t needed. make it sensual and the scene will end with a wide smile for all involved.
IMMERSION. The kink behind the kink.
How to go deeper.
(1) First ask what is it that attracts the holder and subject to this kind of play.
is it fear? is it the unknown? is it the eroticism ?
(2) Once that has been established, Sit down and discuss how you can both add more of that in to the scene, perhaps one of you already has an idea how.
Voicing what gets you off about it, will only help create the best dance possible.
(3) Commit to the part, now that you have both discovered what it is that turns you both on.
you cannot do a stage play duo if only one of you turns up for the act.
you will be amazed at the depths of bonds when you both commit to your parts.
(4) Have some time to discuss the good points afterwards,
also discuss openly about bits you didn’t like, but don’t make them the main meat and potatoes of the chat, you want to cover off the dislikes so you don’t need to go there again.
and once that’s taken away, you are best to fill the void quickly with likes. so you both don’t stall. and rather have a firm understanding of where to go next.
(5) Plan to expand!
keep experimenting. and keep exploring!
I once built a castle out of wax drippings on a lover’s breasts while they were bound and being teased by another lover.
you don’t need to just run through the motions.
let your creativity run wild inside the safety limits.
KEEP IT KINKY
THE SANGUINE PACK